Sunday, 15 February 2015

Yr3 Week 16 (Fri 13 Feb - MDA3400 Screenwriting workshop 5 & 6)

(There was a screenwriting workshop on Monday which I attended, but there was practically no one else there, so it was frankly a waste of time as far as documenting it or gaining anything meaningful for the script from it. Just wished to clarify that before we proceeded further).

So today, in the sixth workshop we have had, I brought in the third draft of Little Visitor, which had now expanded the father-mother conflict and extended the ending to allow Bobby to play a larger role in settling the issue. The opening has also reincorporated the dinner scene between Carl and his son to better establish their situation.

So, class and tutor feedback?
  • The ending managed to be sweet without being sappy or too well wrapped up, acknowledging the difficult situation our trio found themselves in.
  • The fight in the last third gives better insight into the relationship´s history between Carl and Maria.
  • Dialogue needs some polishing, especially Carl´s in the opening which sounded a little robotic.
  • Better geography: the story needs to be more definitely anchored somewhere, in terms of location description as well as maybe the speaking style of the characters.
  • Bobo still needs more justification, as he still feel like an external component instead of an active presence aiding the story.
  • Some fo Bobby´s dialogue a little stiff and repetitious, such as he use of the word ´Dad´more than would be expected for a boy his age.
  • Still lacks a proper target audience. Needs more of a definite focus: Bobo and Bobby, or the parents reconciling and doing what´s right for their son?.
Well, looks like I´ve got my work cut out for me. Onwards!

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