Thursday, 26 February 2015

Yr3 Week 17 (Fri 20 Feb - MDA3400 Screenwriting workshop 7)

Today was a little funny, as few people turned up, and did so over half an hour later, so instead I had more of a one on one tutorial with David Cottis, who was in charge of this session. I had completed my fourth draft of Little Visitor, now retitled Little Friend, which was finally up to the 30 page limit, and with the changes from last session's feedback implemented (better geography, more conflict with the parents and dialogue punch ups).


So, what did David think? Well, he felt it was on the right track and flowed better than it had before, and did like several scenes and bits of dialogue throughout the script, but Bobo still needed some more weight, than more so in the second half to better justify why Bobby no longer needs him. Also, the stop motion sequence could have more prominence, and be used later in place of a scene involving an old tooth box I wrote, to better tie the whole script together and not have things come out of thin air in the film's closing act.

Also, the action lines needed a bit more specificity and not be as broad in terms of things like room description, while still being to the point and short. That, and maybe the passage of time is a little too fast, and needed better placing/defining.

No comments:

Post a Comment