Today, I got the news that many a writer, regardless of field, dreads: 'we are not continuing further with you'. I will no longer be writing the episode of River City I was commissioned to back in July: I simply wasn't able to capture the right tone for the show.
Now to be clear, the executive producer
was very gracious in his phone call with me, and he did offer an open return in the future, which
was nice and I am grateful for. He commended the script that I had used to get on the show in the first place, which was also very nice.
Perhaps you expect me to do a big old sobfest and cry and moan. Say how unfair it is and how I was totally great at it.
No.
Fact of the matter is: I wasn't ready and, maybe because of frustration with how other projects had gone, I was banking too hard on it being 'the one' (the magic ticket I have so often denounced on this blog). Even as I was writing the drafts, I couldn't help but have a sense of unease, like something was missing. I actioned the notes, best as I knew how, but something just kept on niggling me.
Did it hurt when I got the news? Of course it did.
Was I upset for a while? I mean yes, why wouldn't I be? I don't think it's a bad thing to acknowledge that. We are human beings: we feel and feel deeply. There's no shame in saying that and it's not unprofessional. One thing I pride this blog on is honesty and, as a second, transparency. If something doesn't work or changes, I say. If I don't believe something, I say. I don't run away from mistakes and I take them as learning experiences. In turn, I hope you learn from them.
The reality is, these things happen. Talent is no protection against, sometimes, missing the mark, and it happens to everyone and anyone: Paul Abbott got booted off Doctor Who; Peter Morgan has scripts rejected all the time by big producers; William Goldman has a whole treasure trove of 'almosts' in his filmography. My point is, if this does happen to you, don't let it crush you. You're not a hack or a fake or a 'bad writer': you're learning. The issue is not making mistakes, it's not learning from them, which is what I intend to do. What will I do now: Have a break. Regroup, refresh and then go back into specs.
A big thanks to the team on RC, who were genuinely great, and hopefully, not my last trip to Shieldinch.
